unHooked

Please listen carefully, as our menu options have not really changed and are as vague and indecipherable as always.

• If you are an employee, or are calling on behalf of an employee, or your mother is related to any employee who has ever worked at this facility, has a dog and wears a hearing aide, please press 1.
• If you know someone who once was impaled on a fence post after falling from a ladder and would like to leave a message for our medical staff, please press 2.
• For medical records, billing, prescription refills or directions to K-Mart, please press 8.
• If you are wondering what happened to numbers 3 through 7, please press star now.
• If you are a physician or are calling on behalf of your physician because you play a doctor on TV and are too special to read and follow the directions provided previously, please hang up and if you’re lucky, someone will dial 911.